Hello all, been a while since I posted anything really. basically there too many variable that ate my time away. Anyway, heres a somewhat food for thought, the paradox of this rule "what goes around comes around". It's odd, awkward and brutally true.
It's real enough to just sit here this morning, feeling the sensation of this pain that is running through my skin. My head's screaming the words "rejection. denial, alone, unworthy, lost", while my heart is pretty much screaming the same thing. It's weird because not too long ago i was consoling a friend of mine about being lonely. the chain of events are ironically as if the table turned an exact 180 degrees. The sensation I helped them maneuver, is whats thrown right back at me. The cherry on top is just the phrase running through my head "destined to be alone". It's not the first time i felt this way, just 6 years ago...i was on the same road, sick and tired of living it by myself. My make-shift dates, lovers, friends and foes. This all leads to nothing but self pity? Very true...but its better than living through pain over and over again just to show how much one is in need of love.
The loop had to end somewhere, even if it makes me loose the personality completely. The breaking of this loop, is indeed the breaking of the person's esteem, morals, joys and everything within.
So i pretty much sit there, somewhere away i can be left alone for a while. I sit there watching the person i love mingle with the crowd, happy and living the life one did at some point in life.
It's not jealousy but rather bitterness towards where life's brought me back to square one. I had the pleasure of loving two people, and now I'm sitting here facing the consequences of a double breakup. All the pain and anger within those two people somehow channelized through a medium, and hit me right back down.
A soldier however, always gets up from his fall.
This soldier wounded on the heart...
This soldier, is probably destined to fight alone...
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